Do I Have to Uphold My Vows? - Crosswalk Couples Devotional - July 15

Do I Have to Uphold My Vows?
By Vivian Bricker

“Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ” (Ephesians 5:21).

At a wedding ceremony, a husband and a wife make vows to each other, which are binding for life. Within their vows, they vow to be faithful to their spouse, to have and to hold their spouse, and to be with them in sickness and in health. Some couples opt for traditional vows, while others choose to write their own. Whether a person chooses to write their own vows or goes with a traditional set of vows, they are bound by these vows. What they have pledged, they will have to fulfill.

In this way, we see how important and valuable vows are. They are not to be made haphazardly nor should we say them carelessly. Vows are binding and will last our entire lives. What we say in front of our loved ones, our spouse, and God is binding on us as an individual. The only instances where this bond can be broken are in the case of infidelity or abuse (Matthew 19:3-9).

When we made our vows to our spouse, we meant them fully at the time. However, when years upon years pass by, it can be easy to stop living in accordance with these vows. The moment we notice we are falling short on our vows, we need to turn to God for help. God is the One who created marriage (Genesis 2:24), and when we enter the marriage covenant, we are making a promise before Him to stay with our spouse. This is not to be taken lightly because marriage is a beautiful illustration of the Lord's love for the church.

To the outside world, our marriage is supposed to be a real-life example of the Gospel. However, if we are not living in accordance with our vows, how will the lost world know we are any different from anyone else? By being mean, hateful, or rude to our spouse, we will be presenting an inadequate view of the Gospel to the world. This is one of the many reasons why we need to honor our spouse.

Another reason to fulfill our vows to our spouse is that it helps them to know that they are loved. From the moment we marry our spouse, we have the responsibility and privilege of loving them and caring for them as our own body. If we choose not to do this, our spouse will feel not good enough, inadequate, or unloved. This, in turn, can cause our entire marriage to suffer and could lead to the demise of our marriage.

While it is true that the Bible does not command vows for marriages, it is a biblical concept. Unconditional love for our spouse is supported in Scripture (Ephesians 5:21-33). Just as Jesus unconditionally loves the body of believers, we are to love our spouse. We should never cause our spouse to feel a lack of love in their life because of our own shortcomings.

Paul tells us, “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ” (Ephesians 5:21). While “submit” can sound like an ugly word, it actually isn’t. Submitting to one another out of reverence for Jesus is a beautiful thing. When we make our vows to our spouse, we are promising to be there for them, support them, and love them. Submission and vows go hand-in-hand because we are acknowledging our dependence on one another as well as our love for each other.

Therefore, yes, we all need to uphold our vows to our spouses. When we start slipping in this area, we will start struggling in our marriage. God wants our marriage to flourish and to be strong. However, we cannot have a flourishing, strong marriage apart from upholding our vows, submitting to one another, and building it on the Lord. All of these things will ensure our marriage grows stronger and more devoted to the Lord.

“Dear Jesus, I was questioning whether or not I need to uphold my vows. Thank you for showing me that I do need to uphold my vows. Help me to do this and to submit to my spouse out of reverence for You. I love You, Lord, and I’m so thankful for Your help. Amen.”